High point from the trip to Bend, OR with my sister and boyfriend:

"I'll go if you go."

"So, are you going to get in or what?"

"I said I'll do it if you do it."

"Yeah, I hear you talking but I don't see you getting any closer to the water."

The four of us were standing in our underwear on the hot black rocks that jutted up from the river like crooked teeth from a deformed jawline.

The guys were in plaid boxer shorts, my sister in some flattering bikini panties and a sleek dark bra. I, on the other hand, was clad in a floppy gray tank top and a blue paisley thong that I wear only under light colored skirts. I hadn't realized that I would have to show anyone my underclothes. Obviously.

Chris had already jumped in and done a few strokes around the clear deep center, and then flopped onto a flat rock five feet from

My sister picked her way over the rocks and through the weeds to stand by me, stretching her arms over her head in an attempt to act casual. As she brought her hands down to her sides, a stray piece of wheat grass that had lodged in her armpit poked out like a struggling locust. I leaned into her and said, "Stand still, I'm just going to pick off this little-"

Too late. She looked down and saw what she thought was an enormous bug wriggling into her armpit and screamed like a banshee. A full-body wriggle followed. Please remember that we are both in our underwear.

The guys were laughing, enjoying a moment of simpatico.

"I'm afraid to get in, because I have to pee, and I'm thinking that my bladder might just let go."

"So? Just as long as you're down stream from us, we don't care, right?"

The group murmured its consent.

I jumped in.

The water was so cold that it knocked the wind out of my lungs with one swat. I never had one of those life-threatening fevers when I was a child, but imagined that getting plunged into a tub of ice cubes would feel about the same.

I started laughing, my teeth chattering, and dog paddled towards Chris, who was still drying of on the flat rock.

I flung myself up and partially onto his perch, and he backed away from me, seeing how slippery the volcanic surface was when it was wet and not wanting to lose his place by sliding into the frosty river.

"Help me up! Argh! Help me up!" I flailed and attempted to find purchase, but, alas, there was none to be had. The rock was much steeper than it had looked from the shore.

My body was in survival mode, and my pasty white buns flexed and jiggled as I humped my way up out of the water, looking like an albino seal in a wet t-shirt and tiny thong panties.

My sister was doubled over with laughter, until she finally jumped in, letting out a scream before her sandaled feet even hit the water.

As we all dried out and put our remaining dry clothes on for the rigorous hike back up the ravine to Carl's house, Kristi wrung out her panties and gave me a wry look.

"That's right. I just thought I'd soak my panties and take them for a walk. You know me."

I decided to strip down to nothing as well, and announced, "Nobody look!" just as I was peeling down to my skin, which of course made everyone swing around to see what I didn't want them to look at.

And so we arrive at the high point: Me, standing almost naked in front of my friends, tiny blue thong dripping into my shoes, nipples stiff enough to cut glass, my goose-bumped rump shaking in the 90 degree high desert sun.

"This is just like some God-awful porno," Kristi said.