i guess if i were to reverse the roles, i would expect my partner to be uncomfortable. maybe i am uncomfortable.

super sick, snuffling here at the hum south ret desk. wonder why i don't go home. going to have to flake on a party tonight. don't want to sleep anymore but i don't know what else to do. vitamin c tablets cut up and snorted, maybe some IV saline or hot tea. feel fine in my head, but it is not externalized. i don't even feel like reading for god's sake. does that ever happen?

okay, i don't actually feel fine in my head. my visit home was fraught with drama and peril and my family is Nuts. makes me feel small and stupid, their want of a life for me that isn't my life. this then, spills over into my regular life, my work, my relationships. i'm sure this is making my boyfriend Nuts as well, my inability to let the water from my family's slip and slide emotional antics evaporate in the August air.

i have never been a jealous person.